From Rock Bottom to Radical Presence: My Journey Through Loss, Weight Struggles, and Self-Discovery

Life can be a roller coaster at times.

The first picture (far right) is me on Christmas '16. I had lost everything betting on my businesses. I was the thinnest I had ever been in my entire life. Unfortunately, it wasn't by design. I had no money and was barely eating one meal a day. If I did eat, it was usually an Angus burger from McDonald's. I remember being so hungry that I would break down in tears. My ego wouldn't allow me to ask for help. I just pretended like everything was okay. Yet I was depressed because I was hyper-focused on the past and the "what ifs."

In January '17, I finally stopped dwelling on the past. I realized that I had no control over it, and no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't change it. This realization really helped me, but then I became hyper-focused on the future because I thought that was what I could control. Man, was that a mistake.

I began doing the only thing I knew how to do: build. It went well for a while, but once again, my work consumed me. I was eating again, but not in a healthy way. I reached for convenience foods because I thought my time was better spent building. By the summer of 2018, I had gone from 180 lbs to 265 lbs without even realizing it. It wasn't until I stepped on a scale at a friend's house that I saw how far I had let myself go.

I had traded depression (focusing on the past) for anxiety (focusing on the future).

At that moment, I knew I had to change. I started dieting, beginning with keto. That went well for a bit, but like most diets, I shed the initial 10 lbs easily and then plateaued. It was discouraging, and my body was craving carbs. Eventually, I fell off that diet and tried counting calories, but it was tedious. I was still eating junk and fast food, thinking that as long as I stayed below my caloric needs (in a calorie deficit), it didn't matter what I ate. Man, was I wrong. After almost two years, I had only really lost 20 lbs. The second picture is me in the summer of '21, still in the 240 lbs range.

In October '21, we left Canada due to mandates and made our way to Mexico to escape being locked in our own country over what should have been a private medical decision.

We began eating more whole foods but didn't really understand portion control. We were consuming lots of vegetables, meats, and so on, but we didn't portion anything. We'd just cut up a whole onion and other veggies, throw them in a pot, and pick from it whenever we were hungry.

After spending some time in Costa Rica in the summer of '22, we adopted a street dog named José Miel. He had some health problems, which we later determined were due to a corn allergy. We overfed him, thinking we were making him healthy by helping him put on weight. A year later, we noticed he had hip issues, and people told us he was fat. We hadn't really noticed because it happened gradually over time. Our biggest mistake, for him and for us, was that we didn't measure. How can you improve something you don't measure?

By this time, we were back in Mexico in early '23. Due to his allergies, we decided to hire a nutritionist to design a meal plan we could follow. He went from 38 lbs to 28 lbs and now maintains a very healthy weight. He can jump on the bed with no issues. Heck, he can even jump on the kitchen counter. He really is like a cat. 🤣

I was still struggling with my own weight. It wasn't until the summer of '23, when I had an accident riding my OneWheel that tore my tricep tendon clean off my elbow, that I decided to take my health more seriously. If a meal plan worked for my dog, it should work for me. Unfortunately, the nutritionist we used for our dog, although she had a PhD in nutrition, didn't work with humans because they are more complicated. I ended up finding a meal plan for $50 a month online. I began this new meal plan in January '24, once we got back to Mexico.

During this year, I focused on both my physical and mental health. I began reading (technically listening to audiobooks) more and more. One book that really changed my perception was The Power of Now. It reminded me that I wasn't truly living. I was constantly trying to get somewhere I wasn't, and even if I reached my destination, I wouldn't be happy because I'd be chasing the next thing. Learning to live in the moment and be present with friends, family, co-workers, animals, and nature allowed me to really appreciate this thing we call the human experience.

Fast-forward to today: I'm now 190 lbs and haven't felt better. This time, I got to this weight the right way, eating right, exercising, and being present mentally. Do I still have things to work on? Hell yeah. I officially got diagnosed with ADHD, which explains so much: why I hyper-focus on certain things, why I make impulsive decisions, why I find some things hard to finish. This is all part of who I am, and the more I understand it, the better I'll be at stepping back in the moment and viewing myself more objectively.

My current journey is taking me down the path of meditation, a path I've thought about for years but never pursued. I've done two meditations so far, and let me tell you, I wasn't expecting the rush of emotions or breaking out in tears for what seemed like no reason. All just from breathing. It turns out that holding things in all those years stores stress and trauma in the body, and transcendental meditation relaxes you so much that it releases them in a way I wasn't expecting.

It's never too late to change, and we are not alone in this journey of self-discovery. Life is precious. Don't waste it chasing clout or a future version of yourself. Be present and enjoy every waking moment. How many more sunsets will you get to see in this life? Cherish each and every one.